Possibly my favorite quote of all time comes from a book called Live From Earth by Lance Olsen:
“You wanna hear a new poem?” he asked. He took out a crumpled scrap of paper from his back pocket and read a poem about a dentist fighting a miniature radioactive Godzilla in the mouth of one of his patients. Every time the dentist would try to drill the monster to death it would slink behind a tooth, so in the end the poor patient had a mouth full of holes and raw nerves, plus the monster which finally ran down his throat…*
I read Live From Earth over the course of several lunch hours in grade 11 (when I didn’t feel like going down to the caf and socializing, I would curl up in a corner of our school library with a book). It is quite an odd little novel, and probably the greatest regret of my high school career is that I didn’t steal it before I graduated. I was completely taken with the idea of this Godzilla running around in a patient’s mouth at the dentist’s office. But I wished that Lance Olsen had included the actual poem itself. I always wondered how it went. I’ve spent a lot of time thinking about it, and I imagine it as a lengthy, epic tale — a sort of poetic equivalent of Ahab vs. Moby Dick (with the patient representing the crew of the Pequod).
On the other hand, I was pondering it the other day and visualizing it as more of a rock opera – a contemplation on the themes of society, man vs. beast, and dental hygiene, set to music:
Patient:
“Tiny monsters are quite rare –
You don’t see them just anywhere.
It seems my luck has headed south,
For one has popped up in my mouth!
My dentist, he is quite perplexed,
And I myself am feeling vexed.
When shall this tribulation pass?
I think I need more laughing gas…”
Godzilla:
“Though I possess good looks and grace,
I’m hunted by the human race.
Misunderstood — alas, that’s me,
But I’m a decent guy, you’ll see!
I’ll stop tormenting this poor man,
Run down his throat, that is my plan…
Please don’t shed a tear for me –
There’s honor in nobility.”
I don’t know, you guys. I feel like the possibilities here are endless. How fun would it be to stage this show?
*Olsen, Lance. Live From Earth. Ballantine Books, 1990.
MSkillz
Thaddeus
I’ll have daymares (and nightmares) about a dentist drilling holes all over my mouth while trying to catch a miniature godzilla now, thankyouverymuch.
That said, I thoroughly enjoyed your verse, especially the last couplet from the patient’s POV!
Oh, man…sorry! Don’t worry though, I’ve been told that it’s actually quite rare for this sort of thing to happen…you only have, like, a 5% chance of this going down in your dentist’s office. So you’re pretty safe!
:D